I know this may seem silly, maybe even vain, but I’m going to share anyways.  Approximately 2 weeks ago, fall decided to show his face here in the midwest. I like fall. The leaves, the cool breeze, the smells, and time to bring out your winter wardrobe! I get excited about winter clothes, they seem to hide the things I don’t particularly love about my body, a little bit better than my summer attire…

No matter the season, shoes are my weakness. I love them. Silly right? There just shoes. I keep telling myself that… however, it doesn’t seem to be helping me cope with the loss of not 1, not 2, but 3 pairs of my favorite winter shoes/boots! It was right about the time I smelt fall in the air, when I first glanced in the direction I had last stored my favorite greenish/grayish/brownish, knee high, flat, multi-button boots.  I just purchased them after Christmas last year. I was at DSW spending my gift card on some much needed new tennis shoes when I spotted them…laaahhhhhh (that was the sound of the imaginary  light that shown down on them when I saw them).  I tried to look away, walk the other direction, tell myself “the last thing you need is a new pair of boots”.  I did good, I left the store without them!

Then, I thought about them for days!  After justifying it in my mind, I decided, because I did still have some money left on the gift card and, I had gotten a coupon in the mail, I would splurge!! Oh man, was I excited! They really were the coolest shoes I had ever owned! They were casual, neutral, yet they had so much flair, it was like 7 boots all wrapped up in 1!  I wore them as much as possible for the remainder of our very mild winter.

Spring rolled around and I thought “I should keep these out (instead of storing them with the rest of my winter shoes) just in case I can wear them with a dress or something”.  I tucked them safely under my bed with one other pair of boots and my galoshes.   So, naturally under the bed is were I glanced the day I smelt fall, but, something a slight bit disturbing happend… I didn’t see them under there! Other boots…check, galoshes…check, but cool boots nope, no check!  I thought to myself “hmmm, maybe I put them downstairs, I must have just forgotten”.  A few days passed, and though the boots were never far from my mind (due to the cool weather) I wasn’t that concerned. Then the day came when I needed them for my outfit… the search began! I looked under the bed again, more thoroughly this time, no boots. I went to the basement and carried up my winter shoes bag, to my dismay, the boots were not there. The panic started setting in… where are they? I know they are here somewhere, I mean come on its not just like they can walk away! right?

From that point on, the boots consumed a very unhealthy amount of my thoughts! I looked literally everywhere, like 9 times! I made my hubby look in all of the places I could not reach! Still no boots! Not only that, I realized my zip up black converse from Turkey (yes the country) were also missing!  I tried to keep the most positive attitude possible.  I thought “I didn’t really “need” them anyways”  & it was obvious that I was a little more materialistic than I once thought! At one point I even told God “if this is a test, I’m failing, just give me my boots back!”  bad right? I know  So, last sat., I went to put on my off white Chuck Taylors… I was horrified when I realized, they too are missing! UGH! I mean give me a break already! 3 pairs, in one season!

So now, here I am today, still wondering… where are my shoes? Is their a thief in my midst? Did I put them somewhere else? (I’ve looked everywhere, there is no where else!) Did my hubby throw them away?  He has a very bad habit of throwing perfectly good things away! Except, I really don’t think he could accidently throw away a pair of boots, big boots! And I know, for fear of his life, he wouldn’t have done it knowingly.      The only other conclusion I can come to is maybe, just maybe…They got tired of laying on the floor under my bed and decided “hey I was made for walkin’ not this crap!”  And maybe, just maybe, they walked away all by themselves! And took a couple buddies with them!

I was born in a tiny town in NE Ia. the population was <2000.  As a child I lived a semi average farm town life. My dad was a farmer who liked to spend his evenings at the bar. My mom was a workaholic/functioning alcoholic who hated my dad spending his evenings at the bar. I had 2 older sisters. “Leah” who is 8 years older than me, and “Kizzi” 6 years older than me.   Leah loved it when I came along, she got a real live baby doll!  Kizzi, on the other hand would have preferred that I be sold with the next head of cattle!

My parents marriage, from what I know, was never “healthy”.  It finally went down the pooper for good when I was 8. That was after several attempts to make it work for the kids sake…   Not long after my mom moved us to a house up town, she was away on one of her frequent business trips when she met Dave…   (a little base here: my mom worked in the fashion industry, she was traveling for Paul Mithcell )  Dave was seated next to her on the plane. I remember when she told me about him, the first thing she said was “When I saw him I walked right past my row, pretending that wasn’t my seat, I searched for any other seat on the plane, to my avail there was not a single empty seat! He was wearing a neon green “save the baby seals” shirt and tennis shoes!” (remember my mom was “a diva”).   Anyways, long story short, within 6 months my mom married the man in the neon green shirt and moved me to KC Mo. !

I was nine now, so my life was not shaken nearly as much as my 2 older sisters. They went into panic mode! Leah stayed behind to finish school and be with her boyfriend. Kizzi came to Mo. for a minute hated Dave so in tern hated Mo., caused as much drama as possible and then ran back to Ia.   In the next few years Kizzi would move back and forth several more times, making waves wherever she went  (Kizzi was the wanderer/wildchild of the bunch)  Leah got married & had 2 beautiful children. (she was the momma of the bunch)

Shortly after my mom met Dave, she met Jesus! Seriously, she did a total 180. One day she was a wrokaholic/ alcoholic. The next she was a passionate evangelist!

My dad remarried also. We called her “mean Michelle” she totally earned that name. That marriage didn’t last long…

I was young innocent and oblivious to just about everything except what was happening in MY world on that day.  It was like I blinked and my my whole world had changed!

I remember the day I got the call. One of Kizzi’s friends had called my mom bc she was worried about her, due to some of the things my sister had shared with her.  (By this time I had graduated high school and was married, yeah like I said I blinked & my whole world had changed! ) The friend mentioned that Kizzi had told her that my dad was doing and selling crack among other things!  Crazy, I know. My dad had never had a drug problem. I had only seen him obviously drunk one time in my entire life ( he was a totally functional alcoholic ).     The timing was impeccable… I had just broke some other extremely disturbing news about my family, to my husband (who came from a pretty normal “christian” family) when I say I had just, I mean literally we were still talking about it and the phone rang.  So I get off the phone and say “oh yeah, by the way, I guess my dad’s a drug dealer too!”     He took it pretty well, he’s good like that

So, my mom is now in preparing to move out of the country to be a full time missionary and my dad is dealing drugs…excellent!

Anyways, another long story short… within a couple years my 50 something dad spiraled out of control, started a meth lab in his house on 100 acres in the middle of no where and the government landed choppers in his yard and raided his house.

During that same couple of years, my mom & step dad moved to a muslim country, where they were  Christian missionaries. While there, they started several International Houses of Prayer, among other things.

While all of this was going on my dear Kizzi (we became great friends after she realized I was never going to be put up for adoption) had managed to hit rock bottom. Not long after she hit, she surrendered to Jesus and became a new woman. I was so blessed to be a part of her journey to find out who she really is, and see the awesome change in her life.

Ok, up to the last few years…  My husband & I decided it was time to start a family. (we tried and miscarried during the last time section, I just didn’t mention it earlier)  Well, this time the trying took… instantly! We started “trying” in march and found out we were pregnant April 1st!

My mom and step dad had just told us that week that they had decided to move back to the states for a while, so as you can imagine I was so happy that my mom would be here for the new arrival!

Leah found out that her husband, and father of her kids was actually a punk, and he filed for divorce.

So…. Now, my dad is in the middle of his 12 year federal prison sentence. My mom & step dad live a block away from me. Kizzi just moved to Cali. to attend a Bible school! Leah is still going through a divorce, but doing much better. And, I am an extremely happy mother of the cutest little almost 2yr old on the face of the earth!!! My husband has come to accept the fact that he married into a completely insane family & he’s ok with it… most days   All in all, things are looking up!

I guess you could say I was the semi-stable one of the bunch.

ADDICT: a person who is addicted to an activity, habit, or substance.

Lets start with the obvious: Drugs. There are all kinds of drugs, good & bad, legal & illegal. However, it seems that whenever the word addict comes up our brains shoot straight to DRUGS.  I would go as far as saying, in a large majority of our  minds, an addict=drugs.

Next:  Alcohol. We all know an alcoholic.  Some of us live with one, or two for that matter.  Some of us are alcoholics. Go here with me for a moment… what is the first thing that comes to your mind when I say “alcoholic”?  Was it judgmental? Was it humorous? Was it sad?   It is extremely easy to judge an alcoholic.

My point is, in everyday life, these are the people thought of as true addicts.  In the church, these are usually thought to be the greatest sinners, the ones who need the most help.

Though I come from a family of “obvious addicts”, I have never struggled with addictions to drugs or alcohol.  However I have & still do struggle with several other addictions.

Now here is where I might start stepping on your toes…

Yes, I believe both drug and alcohol addictions are bad. I also believe food addiction is bad! (This is one I struggle with) What is it that makes it o.k. for us to talk about an alcoholic or drug addict the way we do, but when we see someone obviously over indulging (on food) time, and time again, we don’t say a word. In most cases, not only do we not confront it, we join in! I mean come on, do I really need to explain why gluttony is bad? Nope, I’m not going to, if you can’t figure that one out on your own you’re in serious denial. When was the last time we heard gluttony talked about from the pulpit?  Or how about this, when was the last time we looked at what we were eating and said “am I really even hungry or am I just eating to eat”  or to burry some emotion, or for any reason other than to sustain your health. I’m not saying don’t enjoy food, I’m just saying don’t OVER indulge. (totally speaking to myself here!!)

How about shopping… Oh, man now this one hurts!  I love to shop! I’ll just be honest, shopping is on my top 5 favorite things in life! That is so sad:(  I don’t think shopping is a bad thing. I mean just like eating, it is necessary. MODERATION is the key here! The problem comes in when I would rather shop than pay the bills, or save for important things. How about when I’m racking up cc debt, but I don’t even care because I look so good, or my house looks just like the last one Nate remodeled. Or when I shop because I’m sad, and finding that next great deal makes me happy.  Think about it though, it is going to be much harder to judge me for my shopping addiction, when I come out looking smoking hot in my new kicks, than it is to judge the guy who drank a fifth to make his sadness go away.  Does that make my addiction o.k and his bad?

I know there are obvious health issues that go along with certain addictions therefore you can’t deny they are “bad”.  But come on just because it doesn’t kill you, doesn’t mean its good for you!

I could go on and on, nicotine, caffeine, pornography, etc. etc. but hopefully you got the drift. We are all human. Yes, that does include the crazy meth head next door.  His problem may be more obvious than ours.  Yes, it may even be more serious, but really,  are you more holy than him? Or is your sin just more easily accepted?

Jesus loves the meth heads as well as greedy people, and the alcoholics as well as the fattys.

The truth is most of us are just so comfortable with judging everyone we see, that we don’t even realize that it is a real problem…maybe even an addiction!

Lets check out the plank in our own eye before we try to help the “real addict” get the speck out of his:)

P.S.  I believe, in most cases it is not the activity, habit or substance that is the problem, it is the person behind it.  Most things are good in moderation. Usually the problem lies much deeper than the surface.